What? Essay for grant
When? Dec 17
Where? Logrono, Spain
Dear readers, I need to you proofread and offer criticism about the following 200-word essay (any comment would be most appreciated).
The main goal of the Burning Book Community Resource Center is to provide a physical space to foster synergy among numerous existing social and environmental activist groups in the New River Valley, Southwest VA. These small-size activist groups are usually episodic, and have much narrower impact than they could if there was a local activist center to support them. Formed by an eclectic group of local workers, business owners, academicians, and students, the Burning Book strives to unite the currently disseminated human and intellectual activist power in the New River Valley by catalyzing cross-fertilization of ideas and community growth. The Community Center will be located in downtown Blacksburg, VA and counts with the support and enthusiasm of the Town Council and members of local activist groups.
On-going efforts of our members in the area of sustainability and environmental justice include the dissemination of awareness about senselessness of coal energy and the devastating effects of the mountaintop removal in our very own Appalachia, the year-long maintenance of a 30-mile section of the Appalachian Trail, or the management of Blacksburg’s bicycle cooperative. Keen’s STAND FOR funds will enable a critical milestone in Burning Book’s pioneer efforts: securing a physical space in downtown Blacksburg that is poised to revolutionize environmental activism in Southwest Virginia.
3 comments:
wow, first thought: who is your audience/reader. there are lots of big words in that little essay.
the groups are episodic, or their meetings are? i don't get it.
consistency. use BBRCC throughout rather than sometimes calling it just burning book or just the community center.
the first sentence of the second paragraph is so long is loses its meaning. on that note, i wouldn't expect anything less from an academician. ps- what is an academician, are you trying to invent your own word? that's groovalicious if you are.
i like the last sentence but think something kinda like it ought to be the very first sentence. state in the beginning why you want their money because that is what they ultimately want to know.
hope my lil two cents from lil ol me help you out, big professor that will revolutionize SW VA. nice work!
The audience is Keen Footwear's CEO. He wants to give $25,000 to an idea that can make a positive difference.
Both the groups and the meetings are episodic. There are many groups that appear to take action about one particular issue and then they disappear when the issue goes away.
Academician is a real word http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/academician; it means college professor, research staff, or anybody who gets paid to do nothing other than pick their noses, scratch their heads and talk smart in a college/university/research center setting.
Thanks for your input
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